Thursday, November 4, 2010

Death with Frosted Tips: A Zoological Look at Afghanistan

No, having troops in Afghanistan does not make me feel any safer. In fact it makes me feel less safe. Let me put it into terms everyone can relate to: this is a honey badger...

Look up "Awwwwww" in a Webster dictionary. There are no words, just this picture

It is the epitome of cuteness and amiability. Seriously, look at that thing. I want to wrap it up in a blanket, name it General Fuzzers and raise it as my own child, dress it up in people clothes, instill it with a solid moral foundation, send it to respectable private school, the works. But if you anger the honey badger it goes from a happy ball of fuzz and sneezes to this...

Death with frosted tips

What was once a sugar coated morsel of downy adorability is now a bona fide killing machine, the Terminators of nature. Honey badgers are universally accepted as one of the most badass animals somewhere between a wolverine and a tyrannosaurus rex. By all appearances they have no fear instinct and go around killing incredibly venomous snakes for their mid-afternoon snack. If you have three minutes and a high tolerance for animal violence watch this clip. I never thought I'd pity a snake before.


But back to the topic at hand: Afghanistan. Afghanistan is like a honey badger, its harmless unless provoked. Granted Afghanistan is neither as cute nor as deadly as a single honey badger, but the analogy still stands. If you know something will erupt into a deadly rage when prodded, keep your hands to yourself.

Found stamped to a "Welcome to Afghanistan" sign

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